Janet Jackson's Nipplegate, the wardrobe malfunction heard 'round the world, turns ten years old tomorrow. It was a different universe back in the dark ages of 2004 — no Twitter, no Instagram, and most importantly, no widespread access to DVR. On the anniversary of this very special occasion, Cosmo wonders what the world might be like if a nipple suddenly became exposed on national television in 2014. Hint: so many memes.
1. Twitter would completely explode. Back in 2004, the only metric for knowing how many people freaked out about this event at one time was TiVo replays. "The audience reaction charts looked like an electrocardiogram," is a lot less exciting than "1.5 million tweets per second."
2. @JanetJacksonsNipple would have its own Twitter account before the start of the third quarter. It would hang out with @AngiesRightLeg and @JayZsHyphen.
3. Everyone would replay it on their DVR eight times in a row before moving on to the commercial break. Even bros who actually care about the game.
4. Jimmy Fallon would have Janet on his show Monday night to do a parody with the Roots. In 2004 he was still busy laughing his way through skits on Saturday Night Live.
5. There would be a terrible meme called #jacksoning, where tween girls cover their exposed nipples with one hand and use the other to post selfies on Instagram. Parents everywhere would have conniption fits.
6. The part of Janet Jackson would be played by Rihanna. She thrives on public exposure of her erogenous zones.
7. The part of Justin Timberlake would be played by Bruno Mars. I mean, he's actually performing at the Halftime Show this week, so why not?
8. That breakaway corset would be available on Adam & Eve by midnight. And your boyfriend would have no qualms about asking you to wear it for Valentine's Day.
9. Someone would definitely do a reenactment with cats and post it on YouTube. It's actually shocking that no one has done this already.
10. In a week, Bruno Mars would release a tearful apology song sampling a Police song from the '80s. That's just how he rolls.
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