"Why You'll Never 'Get' a Man"

By Tracy McMillan: Author of the bestselling book "Why You're Not Married...Yet".

When it comes to dating and love, everyone wants the same thing: a fantastic partner. And when you want something, it's only natural to think about how you're going to get it, right? You want to know what should you wear, say, do - or equally important - what you should NOT wear, say, or do to bag the prize. The prize being the man of your dreams, on bended knee.

But here's the deal: you will never "get" a man. I know your mind just skimmed right over that - maybe it even said something like: Oh really? Watch me! - so I'm going to say it again, this time in bold: You will never "get" a man. Never. Never ever. Never ever ever everevereverever.
Okay fine, you can get one for a night, or a year, or if you've really got game, you might even get one all the way down the aisle. But like Cinderella's coach, it will only be temporary.

 Because the truth is, you can't "get" another person. People aren't things that you can own. You can't run down to the Man Store and pick out what you want and have him wrapped up in tissue and stuffed into a cute little shopping bag you can use later to carry your lunch to work. Even if you do manage to "bag" a guy - as if you are some sort of old-timey lady on a safari - sooner or later you learn that's not what a truly loving relationship is about. It's not about possessing another person.

Eventually, you'd come to understand that the man you "got" still has a mind, and a heart, and of course, legs and car keys - and he is a free person who can choose what he wants. (As can you, btw. Don't ever forget that.) A truly loving relationship is when you choose him and he chooses you! One day at a time, for the rest of your life. And if you're viewing a guy as an object to hang on your wall - even if he's sooo perfect and sooo beautiful - you're not giving him a choice. And if he doesn't have a choice, you'll never actually feel chosen. And you want to feel chosen. Because to feel chosen is to feel loved. Without choice, there can be no love.

So don't even start! As you move through the world of dating and love, (or even if you're already in a long-term relationship), shift your thinking away from acquiring a man - or keeping a man. Begin to think instead about being so loving, so totally and completely you, that the man who is a really good match for you will experience being in your presence like a jolt of fantastic energy. Life energy. And because he is interested in building his life, he will naturally choose to stay close to that energy. You.

This is great news. It means you don't need to worry so much about what to wear, say or do to bag a prize. You simply have to commit to "getting" the one person you are absolutely, totally, 100% sure will be a fantastic partner in the relationship of your dreams: yourself.

Then watch the men fall to their knees.